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What it means to be sexually liberated in modern culture.

 

What do you think/feel when you hear the words Sexual Liberation?

 

For me, it used to be a trigger. Mixed emotions, confusion. What comes to mind for me is our current hook up culture, a generation of folks giving away their precious sexual energy freely with no love or feeling what so ever. What also comes to mind is the contrast of this which is an awakening that many people are experiencing on the planet right now, bringing consciousness to sexuality, women + men owning their sexual power with heart-centered connection. 

 

So what is true sexual liberation? Culture at large is influenced by media combined with pressures to feel more accepted. Young women these days often feel pressured into sex more than ever. Our culture uses sex as a commodity for consumption. Think of porn, prostitution, sex slavery. This is not liberation. Sexual trauma runs rampant in society and is a cycle that keeps going and going and going. This is what keeps us as a society in a lower vibration. It is also a trade-off in many relationships, often unconsciously. Because of our cultural understanding of sexuality, there is this shutdown and disconnect to ourselves and therefore the people who we share a sexual experience with. Sex is associated with so much shame which totally distorts how we experience our sexuality. Sex has become a trade-off, which means we don’t feel the depths of our own hearts, our own capacity for love and true intimacy through the act of lovemaking. 

 

I instantly feel a combination of sadness and anger when I think of what Sexual liberation means in culture these days. I feel this because I know that so many of us feel confused with what it means to actually be sexually liberated. 

 

 

So, here is my take on it… 

 

It will mean different things to different people, at different stages in their lives. It is not objective, it’s subjective, context-dependent, age-dependent, gender dependent, race/culture dependent. In order to explore this topic, I have to leave my projections at the door because what is true for me at this particular stage in my life with what I have experienced and embodied is far different to anyone else. This also means we all must leave our projections at the door. Your sexual liberation is entirely different to mine, and that’s ok! 

 

It can also be powerful for you to get clear on your own definition of what it Means to be sexually liberated, for you, in 2019. With the understanding that this will change as you change and your definition is yours only, it isn’t right or wrong. It can be liberating just to explore it. 

 

We live in interesting times…

 

Having access to insane amounts of information, in a new era and new age. There is a new wave of sexual revolution emerging, this new wave of “sexual revolution” is different from the 60s.

 

With rape culture, media influences and social programming more prevalent than ever, things have changed drastically. But, what hasn’t changed is our humanity. Our desire to love and be loved. Our desire to belong and feel accepted. Thing’s seemed more wholesome in the 60s.. But were they?

 

I don’t know, but what I do know is we are redefining a lot of thing’s these days. Alongside the darkness of rape culture (read more about rape culture here) hook up culture and media influences that capitalize on sex for consumption, there is also a huge revival of eastern sacred sexual traditions (neo-Tantra and Daoism) that have emerged alongside what I would consider the Toxic, Patriarchal version of Sexual liberation.

 

This is what makes thing’s interesting and different than anything else we have seen before in Culture. The complete opposites of the media influenced version of sexual liberation – Porn, Promiscuity and (mostly) Female Sexuality as a commodity and marketing tool, To the idea that sexual energy is the most powerful force to work with. The idea that Human beings that don’t use their sexual energy properly, can’t achieve true empowerment, enlightenment, liberation. 

 

The eastern traditions teach that sexual liberation is to transmute sexual energy into higher vibration energy and bring the heart and sex into harmony, which really means to have connected sex. Loving sex, wholesome sex. 

 

DO you see the difference here? These are two completely opposite versions of sexual liberation.

 

So the question is – are we redefining culture or is culture defining us?

Right now I believe we are allowing culture to define our version of sexual liberation. When we allow culture to define what sexual liberation means to us, we lose our power and we become easy to control. That’s basically what is happening. 

 

So, here are some questions for you, if you like you can even journal the answers.

 

What does it mean for you to be sexually liberated?

Why is it important for you to be sexually liberated?

 

Here are my answers…

 

I allowed culture to define what sexual liberation meant to me for a long time.

 

As a teenager, I would often feel a deep sense of confusion with dating. I truly desired connection and true intimacy, but the media message is to be sexy enough to be desirable, but also maintain modesty to be respectable. 

 

In my mind and even in my unconscious mind I thought that if I had sex than he would accept me, or It would somehow keep us connected. I felt I had to maintain this sexual allure and appeal in order to keep my boyfriends interested. 

 

So, it wasn’t about my desire but often more about my fear, my fear of not being accepted, desired, wanted or on the other hand being judged as a prude or frigid. I felt a kind of shame for desiring good sex, yet I didn’t even know how to have good sex and If I am going to be real honest here, most of the men I dated were more clueless than I was on how to have good sex!

 

My definition kept changing throughout the years with different experiences and lessons. In a funny way, sex work helped me become more liberated in owning my inner slut (super liberating for women and no, it’s not necessarily about being promiscuous) I initially held shame for a long time around choosing this profession, but eventually, I allowed it to empower me as I changed my internal narrative.  

 

I also acknowledge that it is not a choice for many people.

 

 

Sexual shame kept me stuck in a constant state of desiring to be sexually liberated, desiring great heart opening sex, desiring to be desirable and loveable AS a sexually liberated woman but at the same time not wanting to be judged, not wanting to be seen or known as a sexual woman. I wanting to be respected for who I was not how I looked or how I expressed myself sexually, not knowing how much power comes from full claiming your sexual sovereignty. 

 

I was led to heal deep shame I was holding onto for so long, choosing to really enjoy my sexuality. The difference here is choosing to enjoy MY sexuality for myself, to keep it for myself and also having a choice to share it with whomever I wanted to share it with. This is sexual autonomy. I wasn’t giving it away – I was sharing it. I reclaimed my sexual power through learning what I enjoyed through exploration and curiosity, with what partners I preferred to enjoy it with, that respected me as a whole woman – My sexuality, My brain, my heart and my body.

 

At this stage when I started to explore my own definition of what sexually liberated was, I chose to explore what I like to call heart-centered promiscuity. 

 

 

I was getting paid for sex but used a filtering process to ensure my clients were men of high calibre. There was a level of connection, mutual respect and love alongside sexual exploration. You don’t have to be in love with someone to have loving sex. Having this was very empowering for me at the time. However,outside of “work” I rarely engaged in sexual encounters. I was satisfied and enjoyed my own solo sexploration

 

I was not interested in low-level, unfulfilling one night stands anymore. Getting paid to have sex was working for me. I knew what kind of encounters I desired and I called these experiences in very consciously, Instead of engaging in a sexual encounter from a place of lack or not being at ease within, which on the inside was not feeling like I am enough, desiring connection but not being clear about what I truly desired with sexual partners so using sex as a way to get what I wanted, or just getting a quick fix to release my sexual tension. 

 

This new version of sexual liberation I created for myself kept getting re defined again and again, in and out of relationships from connected promiscuity to times of abstinence and then in relationship, deepening, expanding, evolving.

 

Now, my definition of sexual liberation is that my sexuality is not at all separate from any other part of me, that in fact, everything works together as a whole when my sexual energy is liberated and I can use it however I desire – For creativity, for raw sexual expression, for heightened states of awareness, to open my heart and to empower my wild nature. 

 

My sexuality is my ally. If I feel a blockage sexually I know for sure there will also be an emotional blockage and/or communication issue or some other shut down in my life. If there is a sexual blockage in my relationship I know for sure that it’s a sexual blockage within myself that I need to address.

 

My sexual liberation is self-pleasure for pleasures sake, using my pleasure to awaken deeper parts of myself to feeling heightened states of bliss and joy in daily life. Feeling my cells buzzing alive with pleasure and vitality. 

 

My sexual liberation is my vitality and is deeply tied to my liberation as a human being – To not be tied down by shame, to experience my sexuality as a sacred part of myself that is not seperate from anything else.

 

That is free to express itself however it needs in the moment. To feel free to speak about sexuality openly, to feel free to to know what i want, to ask for what I want and to seek pleasure unabashedly because I deserve it.

 

Because the more pleasure I experience the more I can give.

 

Sexual liberation (to me) is to be whole again.

 

I would love to know your definition of sexual liberation…. Feel free to let me know in the comments section below! 

 

Love, 

 

 

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